Palm Beach: Now the Official Home of America's Greatest Blowhards

In a town that is already home to Rush Limbaugh and Donald Trump there wouldn't seem to be room for another titanic ego, but apparently we just can't get enough. Ann Coulter has purchased a home in Palm Beach.

So, let me be the first liberal to welcome you to our wonderful home Ann. (I know I live on the wrong side of Lake Worth, but we're almost neighbors.) You couldn't have found a place more akin to people of your persuasion. After all, until just a few years ago people who had dark skin were routinely arrested just for being in town after 6 p.m., and that has to make you feel more secure. Of course the help were issued special passes from the Palm Beach police so they could be in town when on official domestic business. It wouldn't do to have Consuela of Ruby go missing when there were toilets to be scrubbed or canapes to be served. (And where else are you going to find help that can "help" if you need a little something to improve your mood. Rush can clue you in on that one.)

You can also be sure that you have plenty of social opportunities without those pesky Jews infiltrating your club. They tend to be unabashedly liberal after all. Palm Beach has a long history of excluding Jews from most of the tony clubs where the hoity toity gather. Boy! That attitude has to be refreshing after coming from New York! (Yes, even the Bath and Tennis Club has had to admit a few token Jews, but we know there's really been no change in the attitude here darling. Damn liberal media raised such a stink that they had to be thrown a bone.)

There are a wealth of other reasons why you'll fit right in to the Palm Beach lifestyle, Ann. Worth Avenue, with it's exclusive shops and even more exclusive clientele, will be a great place to spend the money you've garnered from being America's foremost female hate-monger. And honey, you won't have to worry about anyone throwing a pie at you on Worth Avenue or anywhere else in Palm Beach. With the greatest ratio of police to resident in the entire U.S. you can feel safe and secure strolling the Avenue or lunching with Rush at Taboo'. Heck, I'll bet the police would even throw that switch they have that simultaneously raises all the drawbridges back to the mainland if something like that were to happen. You can plan to shop, dine, and indulge with impunity and peace of mind Ann.

Finally Ann, you know that Palm Beachers are your people. Yes, they do have that annoying habit of throwing balls each winter to help out the underprivileged of the world and donate to worthy causes, but that's not liberalism, just good social theater. I know you don't do irony, but you have to find the idea of a Palm Beach socialite spending $15,000 on a dress to attend a ball so $100 of her admission price will go to some poor, downtrodden sod or some typically liberal "cause" rather delicious. The jokes on them isn't it? Instead of just donating the $15K to the education foundation or cancer research or whatever the cause de jour might be the truly wealthy make a party out of it.

I can go on and on. Want to affix that sneer on your face in a more permanent way? Hey, we have the best plastic surgeons on the planet right here. Need a car, jet, diamond or just about anything else that says "I've arrived. I'm rich. Screw you.", then Palm Beach is your place. And don't worry about having to rub shoulders with the likes of me. Your limousine will whisk you straight from the airport to the home of perfectly manicured lawns and obedient servants without so much as a pause to notice any of those unwashed masses that populate the rest of the county. Just keep your eyes straight ahead until you hear the tires on the drawbridge and you see Donald Trump's place and you'll be fine.